Jinnie is the founder of Change Navigators and is a certified Coach & Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist.
Jinnie Lee Schmid’s Biography
Jinnie Lee Schmid is a Certified Coach, Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, and Certified End of Life & Grief Coach: Work with individuals, groups, and organizations as a “guide on the side” as clients resolve grief, identify The Grief Recovery Method.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn…
Do you struggle with any of these issues?
- I have trouble staying focused on tasks & projects
- I can’t get motivated for the work, play, and/or self-care that I used to enjoy
- I’m exhausted all the time, have low energy, sleep too much…or can’t sleep well
- I’m relying on food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping to make me feel better…with diminishing results
- I feel overly emotional…sometimes tears or anger “leak out” at the wrong times
- I feel numb inside…isolating, unwilling or unable to connect with people I love
- I’m constantly wondering…What’s wrong with me? Is this normal?
Quotables
“One of the things I’ve learned as a grief recovery specialist is all of us are carrying a backlog of grief.” Jinnie Lee Schmid
“I want people to know that if you’re struggling with any of those things, you don’t have to stay stuck in that place.” Jinnie Lee Schmid
“I want to give a lot of grace to previous generations because the truth is we’re all doing the best we know, but at least in America and I think worldwide, we’re really soaked in about six myths about the right way to “deal with grief.” Jinnie Lee Schmid
Links & Resources Mentioned…
- Jinnie’s Website – https://changenavigatorsllc.com/
- Jinnie’s LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/jinnieleeschmid/
- Jinnie’s Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/ChangeNavigatorsLLC
- Jinnie’s Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/jinnieleeschmid
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(mellow music)
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- Welcome back to the Get
Unstuck and On Target podcast.
00:00:13.006 --> 00:00:15.119
I'm Mike O'Neil with Bench Builders
00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:19.128
and we help growing companies,
especially manufacturers
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improve their people,
process and planning systems
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so they can scale smarter and faster.
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Joining me is Jinnie Lee Schmid.
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Jinnie is the founder
of Changed Navigators
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and is a certified
coach and advanced grief
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recovery specialist.
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Today's topic is when
leaders encounter grief
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both professionally and personally.
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Welcome Jinnie.
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- Hi Mike, thank you
so much for having me.
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- This is a topic that we probably
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haven't covered whatsoever
in this podcast,
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but it's a very, very important topic.
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It's a timely topic.
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And as a starting point,
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let me share a quote from
your website for our listeners
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just to see to what extent
might this topic apply to them.
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So it reads, I know you.
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You're used to being a high performer
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and you have the
achievements to show for it.
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You've worked hard to pursue your dreams
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and design a life that works for you
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and feeds your passions.
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Maybe you already have,
but lately something's
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been dragging you down, holding you back.
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Do you struggle with any of these issues?
00:01:37.547 --> 00:01:41.748
I have trouble staying
focused on tasks and projects.
00:01:41.748 --> 00:01:43.710
I can't get motivated for the work,
00:01:43.710 --> 00:01:47.237
play and or self care
that I used to enjoy.
00:01:47.237 --> 00:01:50.073
I'm exhausted all the
time, have low energy,
00:01:50.073 --> 00:01:53.804
sleep too much or can't sleep well.
00:01:53.804 --> 00:01:57.360
I'm relying on food or
alcohol, drugs, sex,
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shopping to make me feel better
with diminishing results.
00:02:01.530 --> 00:02:05.580
I feel overly emotional, sometimes tears
00:02:05.580 --> 00:02:09.360
or anger leak out at the wrong times.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:13.800
Or I feel numb inside,
isolating, unwilling,
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or unable to connect
with people that I love.
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Or I'm constantly wondering
what's wrong with me,
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is this normal?
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Jinnie writes if you can
relate to any of these
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you maybe dealing with grief.
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I love how you worded that.
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My hope is as listeners heard that,
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that if they are perhaps
experiencing any or of these items,
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that this conversation might be of benefit
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to them as a starting point, Jinnie,
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you and I have had a
chance to get to know each
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other prior to this podcast.
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I know a little bit about your story
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but I think our listeners
would be interested
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in how does one come to be a
grief and transition coach.
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A little bit, tell us about your journey
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that brought you to this point.
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- Thank you.
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Yes, I will.
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Gosh, reading that list I'm
so glad you shared that.
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I appreciate that as a great idea.
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And reading that list
kind of brings me back
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to when I was feeling that way.
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And I think a lot of us can check off
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at least some of those boxes
on any day of the week.
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And one of the things I've learned
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as a grief recovery
specialist is all of us
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are carrying a backlog of grief.
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So I just wanna echo your
call to your audience
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that I want people to know
that if you're struggling
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with any of those things you don't have
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to stay stuck in that place.
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And that's why we're together today.
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So it's exciting to have an opportunity
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to bring this message.
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So, but let me answer your question.
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So my experience is I had a
pretty traumatic childhood
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and the way I responded
to it is, you know,
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turned into a high achiever, overachiever,
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perfectionist, people pleaser.
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I know a lot of other women
who are high performers
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with kind of that background
and for kind of that reason.
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And what I realize now was that
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what I call a chaotic childhood really
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included a lot of grief
that never got addressed
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much less or even really
acknowledged as grief.
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And I think part of what
compounded that for me was
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I was raised part-time by my grandparents
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who were members of the
greatest generation.
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And as you know, not a lot of time
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for sitting in those emotions, right?
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Like those are pull yourself
up by your bootstrap
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and move on to the next
challenge kind of people.
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So I learned a lot of great
tools about that from them
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but I didn't learn, you
know, the emotional,
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how to take care of
myself and the importance
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of staying clean and
healthy with your emotions
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and your mindset.
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So long story short,
when my grandmother aged
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she came to live with me in Atlanta
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for the last decade of her life.
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She had raised me when I was a child.
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I took care of her in her final decade.
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When she passed, I was pretty devastated.
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And I experienced being
in really debilitating
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worsening grief over the
course of nine months,
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realizing I didn't have
any tools to deal with it
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nor did I know where to
go for any help, right?
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So I was really kind
of in a downward spiral
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using a lot of tools that
weren't really working.
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My tool was basically what I
call academy award recovery,
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which is pretending everything's all right
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and doing all I could to
convince myself and others.
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So at about nine months, right at the time
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when I was thinking
this is getting serious
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and I'm, you know,
something bad's gonna happen
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if I don't find a solution to this,
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I received a letter from
my grandmother's hospice
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inviting me to something called
the grief recovery method.
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And I went through that program.
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It literally changed my life
above and beyond just grief.
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And then they said you could
get certified in the work.
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And I was like, okay, well, this is it.
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You know, it felt like
all the different skills
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and passions that I had came
together in this opportunity.
00:06:01.020 --> 00:06:03.480
And I, having experienced what it's like
00:06:03.480 --> 00:06:06.840
for a high performing woman
to be struck down by grief,
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there's really a double whammy of,
00:06:08.760 --> 00:06:12.540
in addition to feeling
so emotionally challenged
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and physically challenged
we have all this pressure
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on ourselves 'cause we're so
used to being high performers.
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So it's a really difficult place to be in.
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So that's the audience that
I mostly have a heart for.
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Men too, of course, but you know,
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my lived experience is as
a high performing woman.
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So that's how it helped me understand
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who I wanted to serve with this work.
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- Now you moved from a different role
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into this current role.
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Tell us a little more
about what you were doing
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professionally when you
made this transition.
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- Yeah, thank you for being interested.
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I actually was a management consultant
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for the entirety of my
career before transitioning
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into this coaching work.
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And I was actually in
learning and development
00:06:51.905 --> 00:06:54.090
and performance improvement.
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So my background was a lot of training
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and development and coaching.
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And so that's why I say when I discovered
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this nature of coaching and how important
00:07:02.424 --> 00:07:05.080
it is for people to have a resource
00:07:05.080 --> 00:07:08.080
around grief specifically,
it kind of was a great blend
00:07:08.080 --> 00:07:10.410
with the change management background
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that I was already bringing.
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It helped me understand why humans
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have so much trouble with change.
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Hint, it's because of the grief that comes
00:07:17.760 --> 00:07:19.643
along with losing and changing things.
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So it was just a really great marriage.
00:07:21.911 --> 00:07:26.290
And so I went from, I had
been a management consultant
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in all the different ways you can be,
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global, firm, small boutique firm,
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and then working for myself and running
00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:35.970
my own small consulting firm.
00:07:35.970 --> 00:07:39.390
So again, it was just a really
great switch to just pivot
00:07:39.390 --> 00:07:42.570
into focusing on doing
this kind of coaching work
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which is so satisfying and
I think really important.
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- You know, what I was introduced to you,
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I didn't even know about
your work in grief.
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I knew you as a management
consultant who operated
00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:56.250
kind of in the same areas that that I do.
00:07:56.250 --> 00:07:57.870
- Yes.
- And so I felt
00:07:57.870 --> 00:08:00.660
I'm gonna have a natural
kinship with Jinnie
00:08:00.660 --> 00:08:02.858
if nothing else, because of
our professional backgrounds.
00:08:02.858 --> 00:08:05.790
But it was in that conversation
that I kind of learned
00:08:05.790 --> 00:08:10.200
about your passion and how you
have taken what you have done
00:08:10.200 --> 00:08:12.000
professionally, your entire career
00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:16.703
and you use the word pivot,
you pivot to your current role.
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We are recording this
both in United States.
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We are both in the same state.
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We're both speaking from
the state of Georgia
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and in the United States
compared to other countries,
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how do we as Americans deal with grief?
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- Mm, that's a good
question and I don't know
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that I have enough of a global perspective
00:08:37.800 --> 00:08:41.573
to compare how we deal with
it versus other countries.
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'Cause of course each
culture has a different way
00:08:43.800 --> 00:08:44.910
of dealing with grief.
00:08:44.910 --> 00:08:47.850
Right now I'm working
with a woman of descent
00:08:47.850 --> 00:08:50.820
from the country of India and I'm learning
00:08:50.820 --> 00:08:52.590
some interesting thing about her cultures
00:08:52.590 --> 00:08:54.395
and how they deal with grief.
00:08:54.395 --> 00:08:57.079
Again like Americans,
not always successfully
00:08:57.079 --> 00:08:59.610
or productively, but you
know, the different ways
00:08:59.610 --> 00:09:00.978
that their traditions and habits.
00:09:00.978 --> 00:09:04.050
Anyway, long story short is I don't think
00:09:04.050 --> 00:09:05.670
there are many people on earth
00:09:05.670 --> 00:09:09.297
that naturally know positive
ways to deal with their grief.
00:09:09.297 --> 00:09:12.691
And I want to give a lot of
grace to previous generations
00:09:12.691 --> 00:09:15.815
because the truth is we're
all doing the best we know,
00:09:15.815 --> 00:09:18.784
but at least in America
and I think worldwide
00:09:18.784 --> 00:09:22.158
we're really soaked in about six myths
00:09:22.158 --> 00:09:25.354
about the right way to "deal with grief."
00:09:25.354 --> 00:09:28.560
And most of those are pretty unproductive.
00:09:28.560 --> 00:09:31.500
So our parents learned from their parents,
00:09:31.500 --> 00:09:34.027
learned from their parents
and they learned things like
00:09:34.027 --> 00:09:37.070
grieve alone, never let 'em see you sweat.
00:09:37.070 --> 00:09:41.507
Stay busy, time will
pass, you'll feel better.
00:09:41.507 --> 00:09:44.730
Be strong for yourself,
be strong for others.
00:09:44.730 --> 00:09:48.320
And so we have all these, our
culture kind of teaches us
00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:51.720
a lot of wrong ways to deal with grief.
00:09:51.720 --> 00:09:54.006
Basically it teaches us
to run from our emotions
00:09:54.006 --> 00:09:57.319
really vigorously as well
as pretend they don't exist.
00:09:57.319 --> 00:10:00.180
And so what happens is
that's where that backlog
00:10:00.180 --> 00:10:01.710
of grief that I was talking about, right?
00:10:01.710 --> 00:10:05.557
Like we're all caring around
unresolved unaddressed grief,
00:10:05.557 --> 00:10:10.557
partly because certain
events were never categorized
00:10:10.629 --> 00:10:13.611
as causing grief and so we
didn't acknowledge them that way.
00:10:13.611 --> 00:10:15.510
And secondly, most importantly,
00:10:15.510 --> 00:10:17.310
because we don't really know what to do
00:10:17.310 --> 00:10:18.997
when we're having those feelings.
00:10:18.997 --> 00:10:20.812
- You know, I asked that question,
00:10:20.812 --> 00:10:25.649
I kind of sprung it on you but
I know that we have listeners
00:10:25.649 --> 00:10:29.384
who have downloaded
episodes from 36 countries.
00:10:29.384 --> 00:10:30.720
- That's awesome.
00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:32.728
- And as a result, I'm
trying to be attuned
00:10:32.728 --> 00:10:36.187
to who our listeners are and what might be
00:10:36.187 --> 00:10:39.807
any cultural influences.
00:10:39.807 --> 00:10:40.957
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna generalize
00:10:40.957 --> 00:10:43.621
and that is death.
00:10:43.621 --> 00:10:47.505
And I know grief is a result
of things more than just death,
00:10:47.505 --> 00:10:50.682
but just the discussion of death,
00:10:50.682 --> 00:10:55.320
it seems as if in certain
cultures it's almost taboo.
00:10:55.320 --> 00:10:56.970
You just don't go there.
00:10:56.970 --> 00:10:59.160
And you mentioned the six myths,
00:10:59.160 --> 00:11:00.450
I think is how you rephrased that.
00:11:00.450 --> 00:11:01.994
Were you listing some of those earlier,
00:11:01.994 --> 00:11:03.870
were those the myths or other things
00:11:03.870 --> 00:11:06.060
come to mind?
- Yes.
00:11:06.060 --> 00:11:08.311
The ones that I mentioned
right around saying
00:11:08.311 --> 00:11:13.311
the word myths was don't,
grieve alone, don't feel bad.
00:11:13.530 --> 00:11:15.240
This is a test now to
see if I can remember
00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:16.259
all three of them.
00:11:16.259 --> 00:11:21.259
Be strong, replace the loss,
stay busy and time will heal.
00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:26.463
Oh, those are the six myths.
00:11:27.300 --> 00:11:30.510
- And there are myths,
and what are you finding
00:11:30.510 --> 00:11:35.048
in your working and working
with those who are grieving is
00:11:35.048 --> 00:11:38.220
are those myths hard to debunk
00:11:38.220 --> 00:11:40.140
in your client's minds?
- Oh, yeah.
00:11:40.140 --> 00:11:41.130
For sure.
00:11:41.130 --> 00:11:43.299
But it's kind of an interesting experience
00:11:43.299 --> 00:11:45.870
because I always start a new engagement
00:11:45.870 --> 00:11:48.000
by reviewing those myths
because it's important
00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:51.540
for us each to know which
ones are kind of baked into us
00:11:51.540 --> 00:11:52.494
from how we grew up.
00:11:52.494 --> 00:11:55.050
And it's funny, sometimes the baking comes
00:11:55.050 --> 00:11:57.150
because people told us
specifically don't cry,
00:11:57.150 --> 00:11:59.850
go to your room or be
strong for your brother
00:11:59.850 --> 00:12:00.930
or something like that.
00:12:00.930 --> 00:12:03.060
Sometimes they were just modeled for us
00:12:03.060 --> 00:12:05.621
without any language, but we figured out
00:12:05.621 --> 00:12:07.869
how we're supposed to act and
how we're not supposed to act.
00:12:07.869 --> 00:12:10.260
So we always go pretty deep on that
00:12:10.260 --> 00:12:11.651
in one of our early sessions.
00:12:11.651 --> 00:12:15.000
And yes, they're strongly
baked in and it's interesting
00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:18.740
because different families or
cultures of origin will favor,
00:12:18.740 --> 00:12:21.000
you know, two or three out of them, right?
00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:23.640
Like we probably all grew
up where we were taught two
00:12:23.640 --> 00:12:25.705
or three of them really strongly.
00:12:25.705 --> 00:12:28.883
But it's also really cool
because once we start talking
00:12:28.883 --> 00:12:31.452
about it, people recognize
it and they can say, oh yes.
00:12:31.452 --> 00:12:34.882
You know, I was taught that,
I can see it's not working
00:12:34.882 --> 00:12:37.800
and it kind of opens up
for a new possibility
00:12:37.800 --> 00:12:39.776
for what to do instead.
00:12:39.776 --> 00:12:44.220
So it's a pretty valuable
resource I think, reference point.
00:12:44.220 --> 00:12:45.690
- You know, I introduced that the topic
00:12:45.690 --> 00:12:47.719
that we will be discussing would be
00:12:47.719 --> 00:12:50.061
from the perspective of leaders.
00:12:50.061 --> 00:12:55.061
My understanding is most of
our listeners are leaders.
00:12:55.980 --> 00:12:58.143
And when you're in a leadership role,
00:12:59.010 --> 00:13:01.320
you are not only leading others
00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:05.580
but others are watching
you and how you behave.
00:13:05.580 --> 00:13:07.740
And so I actually spell that out in terms
00:13:07.740 --> 00:13:10.890
of when leaders encounter grief
00:13:10.890 --> 00:13:13.952
both professionally and personally.
00:13:13.952 --> 00:13:17.520
We've kind of talked a
little bit about encountering
00:13:17.520 --> 00:13:18.420
it personally.
00:13:18.420 --> 00:13:20.670
How about professionally?
- Yeah.
00:13:20.670 --> 00:13:22.635
- What implications have
you found that we need
00:13:22.635 --> 00:13:24.603
to be aware of as leaders?
00:13:25.590 --> 00:13:29.280
- Well, as you said, there's
at least two aspects of this
00:13:29.280 --> 00:13:30.630
and probably more.
00:13:30.630 --> 00:13:32.850
I think so number one in today's world,
00:13:32.850 --> 00:13:34.566
which is such a crazy world, and even
00:13:34.566 --> 00:13:38.520
in the last seven days we've
had multiple pieces of bad news
00:13:38.520 --> 00:13:39.629
of tragic events.
00:13:39.629 --> 00:13:43.440
So it's kind of hard to be tone deaf
00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:45.720
about the existence of
grief anymore, right?
00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:48.510
So that's one way where
leaders can step up.
00:13:48.510 --> 00:13:50.850
We can't kind of pretend
it's not happening anymore
00:13:50.850 --> 00:13:53.460
because I guess this rolls into things
00:13:53.460 --> 00:13:55.380
like the great resignation, right?
00:13:55.380 --> 00:13:57.990
Like people are dissatisfied at work,
00:13:57.990 --> 00:14:00.360
people are struggling
at work largely because
00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:01.950
of what they're dealing
with outside of work.
00:14:01.950 --> 00:14:04.410
So again, we have to
acknowledge that things
00:14:04.410 --> 00:14:08.580
are tough right now and as
leaders maybe also ideally
00:14:08.580 --> 00:14:11.130
be a little open minded about
what kind of accommodations
00:14:11.130 --> 00:14:14.280
we can make for people
both on the general sort
00:14:14.280 --> 00:14:17.670
of employee engagement
level but also individually.
00:14:17.670 --> 00:14:20.610
So one of the things I've
started talking to leaders about
00:14:20.610 --> 00:14:23.640
is how can you support
a person on your team
00:14:23.640 --> 00:14:25.830
that you know is experiencing grief?
00:14:25.830 --> 00:14:27.630
Let's say someone who, you know,
00:14:27.630 --> 00:14:29.250
has lost a beloved family member
00:14:29.250 --> 00:14:32.400
or has started their own journey
00:14:32.400 --> 00:14:34.010
through disease or something like that.
00:14:34.010 --> 00:14:36.661
How can we make reasonable
accommodations for those folks
00:14:36.661 --> 00:14:39.750
like we might for an employee
that broke their ankle, right?
00:14:39.750 --> 00:14:43.336
Like there are, I can't
give specific lists
00:14:43.336 --> 00:14:45.600
because each leader in each
workplace is different.
00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:47.640
But I do think there are
ways to make accommodations
00:14:47.640 --> 00:14:49.769
where you don't have to
sacrifice performance.
00:14:49.769 --> 00:14:52.452
You know, the point is to let anyone slide
00:14:52.452 --> 00:14:54.780
for X number of weeks or months,
00:14:54.780 --> 00:14:56.700
but it's to give them the space to heal
00:14:56.700 --> 00:14:58.874
just like they would
from a physical problem.
00:14:58.874 --> 00:15:01.650
And, and then, you know, get back
00:15:01.650 --> 00:15:04.142
to fighting shape where they
can maintain good performance
00:15:04.142 --> 00:15:06.660
during that season, which by the way,
00:15:06.660 --> 00:15:08.730
will be helped when they
know that you care enough
00:15:08.730 --> 00:15:10.590
to support them through
that season, right,
00:15:10.590 --> 00:15:13.410
as well as loyalty and,
and ongoing engagement.
00:15:13.410 --> 00:15:15.300
And then help them get
back up to fighting weight
00:15:15.300 --> 00:15:18.270
to where they can perform as you have come
00:15:18.270 --> 00:15:19.103
to expect them to.
00:15:19.103 --> 00:15:20.850
But again, we high performers,
00:15:20.850 --> 00:15:23.883
we want to be doing a great
job in our work, right?
00:15:24.838 --> 00:15:27.210
So I think everyone can be
on the same team about that.
00:15:27.210 --> 00:15:29.758
So that's one example about
how I can get really tactical
00:15:29.758 --> 00:15:33.380
for a leader, as well as
just knowing about grief.
00:15:33.380 --> 00:15:37.481
- So Jinnie, you drew a
parallel and that is as leaders
00:15:37.481 --> 00:15:42.233
if we have someone on our team
who is dealing with grief,
00:15:42.233 --> 00:15:46.080
there may be value in to kind
of view that the same way
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:49.890
if they were dealing with
a physical impairment,
00:15:49.890 --> 00:15:53.940
a physical injury that
these things take time
00:15:53.940 --> 00:15:56.100
and we need to be in the position
00:15:56.100 --> 00:15:59.440
to grant that time, to
show a bit of grace.
00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:02.790
But then you mentioned as high performers
00:16:02.790 --> 00:16:07.790
we still expect them
to continue to perform.
00:16:08.430 --> 00:16:10.470
And so I guess what I'm sensing is
00:16:10.470 --> 00:16:14.246
your challenge to us is how
do you find that balance?
00:16:14.246 --> 00:16:15.690
- Yes.
00:16:15.690 --> 00:16:17.829
And I mean, this is
where my own experience
00:16:17.829 --> 00:16:20.850
as a change management consultant,
00:16:20.850 --> 00:16:22.680
a performance improvement
consultant, right,
00:16:22.680 --> 00:16:24.570
we're always trying to level, you know,
00:16:24.570 --> 00:16:27.300
at least maintain the
significant performance,
00:16:27.300 --> 00:16:28.890
but usually level it up, right?
00:16:28.890 --> 00:16:32.280
So I'm really clear that
nobody who runs a business
00:16:32.280 --> 00:16:34.741
or a team wants to sacrifice performance,
00:16:34.741 --> 00:16:37.350
but nor do you wanna, you know,
00:16:37.350 --> 00:16:39.029
wear out your resources so much that
00:16:39.029 --> 00:16:41.323
they no longer can perform
for you at all, right?
00:16:41.323 --> 00:16:43.999
So just to give a few examples, again,
00:16:43.999 --> 00:16:46.410
let's stick with the
example of an employee
00:16:46.410 --> 00:16:47.730
that maybe broke their ankle.
00:16:47.730 --> 00:16:49.800
What are some of the
things a leader might do?
00:16:49.800 --> 00:16:52.228
They might provide a backpack
or a rolling case, right?
00:16:52.228 --> 00:16:55.098
You might provide them to
work from home for a few weeks
00:16:55.098 --> 00:16:57.990
while they really can't
get around on crutches.
00:16:57.990 --> 00:16:59.520
You might provide them a little grace
00:16:59.520 --> 00:17:01.260
as to what time they come into the office,
00:17:01.260 --> 00:17:02.520
what time they leave the office,
00:17:02.520 --> 00:17:04.530
when they leave for appointments, right?
00:17:04.530 --> 00:17:07.879
So we're talking about
relatively small accommodations
00:17:07.879 --> 00:17:11.700
and things that we probably
wouldn't think twice about
00:17:11.700 --> 00:17:13.224
for the guy that broke his ankle, right?
00:17:13.224 --> 00:17:16.830
So, but you can see were in the long run,
00:17:16.830 --> 00:17:18.660
they just provide that healing space
00:17:18.660 --> 00:17:19.838
and time that we're talking about.
00:17:19.838 --> 00:17:21.348
Now, here's the other thing,
00:17:21.348 --> 00:17:24.235
particularly for grief
as with a broken ankle,
00:17:24.235 --> 00:17:26.491
we don't wanna provide just time
00:17:26.491 --> 00:17:29.336
and space without any actual healing.
00:17:29.336 --> 00:17:31.590
Like if the guy with the
broken ankle never went
00:17:31.590 --> 00:17:34.050
to the doctor that ankle's
not ever going to heal.
00:17:34.050 --> 00:17:37.380
So actually, grief is like a broken bone.
00:17:37.380 --> 00:17:39.000
It's a broken heart, right?
00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:42.150
Like instead of a physically
visible, broken leg,
00:17:42.150 --> 00:17:43.590
it's a broken heart.
00:17:43.590 --> 00:17:46.260
So during this time and
space that you're providing
00:17:46.260 --> 00:17:48.218
I think it's also important
to bring in an expert
00:17:48.218 --> 00:17:50.016
to support that person, right?
00:17:50.016 --> 00:17:52.254
So if you had a broken leg,
you'd go to a bone doctor.
00:17:52.254 --> 00:17:54.870
If you have a broken
heart, you need someone
00:17:54.870 --> 00:17:56.340
who's an expert in grief.
00:17:56.340 --> 00:17:58.410
There's a whole cadre of people like me
00:17:58.410 --> 00:18:00.718
that are advanced grief
recovery specialists.
00:18:00.718 --> 00:18:03.180
There are also counselors.
00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:05.399
Not every counselor is expert in grief,
00:18:05.399 --> 00:18:07.290
but there are experts, you know,
00:18:07.290 --> 00:18:10.200
there are counselors that
have that as their main focus.
00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:12.604
So it's also important
to provide connections
00:18:12.604 --> 00:18:15.302
and resources to the right professionals
00:18:15.302 --> 00:18:18.690
to help facilitate that healing work
00:18:18.690 --> 00:18:20.913
during that healing season of time.
00:18:22.440 --> 00:18:23.970
- Thank you.
00:18:23.970 --> 00:18:27.009
You know, Jinnie, as you
reflect on your career
00:18:27.009 --> 00:18:31.439
working with clients all over the world,
00:18:31.439 --> 00:18:34.766
be it in your management consultant role
00:18:34.766 --> 00:18:38.271
or in your current
role, can you reflect on
00:18:38.271 --> 00:18:41.610
any situation where perhaps you
00:18:41.610 --> 00:18:44.190
or a client got stuck?
00:18:44.190 --> 00:18:47.430
And if that did take
place, what did it take
00:18:47.430 --> 00:18:49.860
to help them or yourself get unstuck?
00:18:49.860 --> 00:18:52.140
- Yeah, well, I think my own story
00:18:52.140 --> 00:18:54.870
is the one that we alluded
to in the introduction
00:18:54.870 --> 00:18:58.050
of sort of having a downward spiral
00:18:58.050 --> 00:19:01.293
over the course of nine months
after my grandmother died.
00:19:02.370 --> 00:19:04.229
My performance was spiraling down.
00:19:04.229 --> 00:19:07.984
I was running my own company
so the phrase I always say is,
00:19:07.984 --> 00:19:10.110
it's a little hard to build your business
00:19:10.110 --> 00:19:12.180
if you don't feel like you
can get out of bed, right?
00:19:12.180 --> 00:19:13.680
So I wasn't getting new clients,
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:15.794
I wasn't serving my existing
clients particularly well.
00:19:15.794 --> 00:19:18.555
I was largely responsible
for bringing home
00:19:18.555 --> 00:19:20.306
the bacon in my household.
00:19:20.306 --> 00:19:22.280
So this is a problem, right?
00:19:22.280 --> 00:19:25.140
And actually the emotional challenges
00:19:25.140 --> 00:19:27.156
were exacerbating things between myself
00:19:27.156 --> 00:19:28.860
and my husband as well.
00:19:28.860 --> 00:19:32.250
So my business is now at
risk, my marriage is at risk,
00:19:32.250 --> 00:19:34.680
I've already lost someone
really foundational
00:19:34.680 --> 00:19:36.060
to my existence and identity.
00:19:36.060 --> 00:19:38.873
So I think that's a good
example of being stuck, right?
00:19:38.873 --> 00:19:40.049
The other reason I was stuck was
00:19:40.049 --> 00:19:42.656
because I didn't know there
were any solutions for me.
00:19:42.656 --> 00:19:45.000
You know, like I'd been
to therapy for years.
00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:46.516
If I didn't know how to
fix it with therapy by now,
00:19:46.516 --> 00:19:49.139
what was it gonna do to
go back to, you know?
00:19:49.139 --> 00:19:54.139
So, and again, the solution
that unstuck me at that point
00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:57.390
was a very divine intervention that got me
00:19:57.390 --> 00:20:00.217
into the grief recovery method program.
00:20:00.217 --> 00:20:03.000
But I do have another example
00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:04.950
of a client of mine that was stuck
00:20:04.950 --> 00:20:07.339
and I think she has a
really compelling story too.
00:20:07.339 --> 00:20:11.235
Her name is Susan and she
actually started working with me
00:20:11.235 --> 00:20:15.551
because also of a death in
her family, her father died.
00:20:15.551 --> 00:20:19.661
And so grief recovery helped
her get unstuck about that.
00:20:19.661 --> 00:20:24.150
And then, you know, the
heightened emotional awareness
00:20:24.150 --> 00:20:26.070
she had and the emotional freedom she had
00:20:26.070 --> 00:20:29.250
once she was past that
grief really encouraged her
00:20:29.250 --> 00:20:31.436
to open up and look at
her career situation.
00:20:31.436 --> 00:20:33.831
And she was in a very challenging job.
00:20:33.831 --> 00:20:36.420
She was at a director level and trying
00:20:36.420 --> 00:20:39.810
to level up to the next,
the next career level
00:20:39.810 --> 00:20:42.934
in her company and kind of
just stuck and treading water.
00:20:42.934 --> 00:20:45.022
You know, that situation
where there's so much to do,
00:20:45.022 --> 00:20:47.968
you carry a lot of the
responsibility for it,
00:20:47.968 --> 00:20:50.998
you're not sure who else you
can trust in your organization
00:20:50.998 --> 00:20:53.546
as a confidant or maybe a mentor
00:20:53.546 --> 00:20:56.374
to help you fill in
the gaps in your skill.
00:20:56.374 --> 00:21:00.004
So she compared her current experience
00:21:00.004 --> 00:21:02.202
to lots of previous work experiences
00:21:02.202 --> 00:21:05.176
and realized they all had
had similar challenges
00:21:05.176 --> 00:21:08.550
and similar dissatisfaction
for her to the point
00:21:08.550 --> 00:21:11.644
where she was kind of killing
herself at work to the neglect
00:21:11.644 --> 00:21:15.120
of her personal life and could
see that that was a pattern
00:21:15.120 --> 00:21:16.440
and wanted to bust out of it.
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:19.722
So in a di, we had an ongoing
coaching relationship.
00:21:19.722 --> 00:21:22.708
Sometimes we would dip up
back into grief recovery,
00:21:22.708 --> 00:21:27.012
including reviewing some of
her previous career experiences
00:21:27.012 --> 00:21:29.220
and performing the grief recovery method
00:21:29.220 --> 00:21:32.430
to clear up the emotions around
those, because don't forget,
00:21:32.430 --> 00:21:34.791
we can have a lot of grief if
we've lost either a beloved
00:21:34.791 --> 00:21:37.110
or a really dreaded job, right?
00:21:37.110 --> 00:21:39.540
There's still a lot of
emotions that come along
00:21:39.540 --> 00:21:41.831
with that change, whether
it was by choice or not.
00:21:41.831 --> 00:21:44.430
But we also did some other personal
00:21:44.430 --> 00:21:45.738
and professional coaching.
00:21:45.738 --> 00:21:49.530
And what she found was
she found a new vision
00:21:49.530 --> 00:21:51.210
for what she wanted her life to be like,
00:21:51.210 --> 00:21:53.174
which was more balanced than it had been
00:21:53.174 --> 00:21:56.280
and included some new big personal goals
00:21:56.280 --> 00:21:57.540
that she could get jazzed about
00:21:57.540 --> 00:21:59.484
so she wasn't just so focused on work.
00:21:59.484 --> 00:22:02.700
She found some, a real new commitment
00:22:02.700 --> 00:22:05.820
to some self care routine so
she could maintain her health
00:22:05.820 --> 00:22:08.550
and her satisfaction
along and along instead
00:22:08.550 --> 00:22:10.665
of get in those stuck places
and have to dig out of them.
00:22:10.665 --> 00:22:14.760
And I was recently reviewing
a call she and I had,
00:22:14.760 --> 00:22:18.000
and she said she got some great outcomes.
00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:21.410
One of which she said that
constant hum of tension
00:22:21.410 --> 00:22:26.119
and stress and anxiety,
she said that has released
00:22:26.119 --> 00:22:28.283
from her body from the
work that we've done.
00:22:28.283 --> 00:22:31.325
She also said that that
guilt of constantly feeling
00:22:31.325 --> 00:22:33.840
like she had to perform for others
00:22:33.840 --> 00:22:35.730
without any personal satisfaction
00:22:35.730 --> 00:22:37.560
that had been released from her.
00:22:37.560 --> 00:22:40.920
And she's still keeping up
those new self care activities,
00:22:40.920 --> 00:22:43.830
which include things like yoga,
00:22:43.830 --> 00:22:46.170
she is seeing a counselor
for some other issues
00:22:46.170 --> 00:22:48.782
she wanted to talk about, but
she's just really feeling,
00:22:48.782 --> 00:22:50.989
I think she's feeling very vital
00:22:50.989 --> 00:22:53.700
as well as very free emotionally, right.
00:22:53.700 --> 00:22:56.048
And so you can just imagine
the world of possibility
00:22:56.048 --> 00:22:58.260
that opens up, not just at work,
00:22:58.260 --> 00:22:59.918
but for the rest of her life too.
00:22:59.918 --> 00:23:02.253
So it's super exciting work.
00:23:03.330 --> 00:23:07.340
- You just used two terms that
I had never really had heard
00:23:07.340 --> 00:23:09.782
in this context.
00:23:09.782 --> 00:23:14.726
One of 'em was released from
her and that is these things
00:23:14.726 --> 00:23:18.840
that sense of release and then you used,
00:23:18.840 --> 00:23:22.890
you described what she said as the hum of.
00:23:22.890 --> 00:23:23.820
- Yes.
00:23:23.820 --> 00:23:25.473
- I love that phrase.
00:23:27.030 --> 00:23:29.700
- I loved, it was so great
when I heard that from her
00:23:29.700 --> 00:23:31.620
because I immediately recognized that
00:23:31.620 --> 00:23:34.200
and I think of a lot of your
high performing leaders do too.
00:23:34.200 --> 00:23:37.650
We, and I think we forget,
we probably all have heard
00:23:37.650 --> 00:23:39.600
in a training class somewhere
'cause I know I've written
00:23:39.600 --> 00:23:40.620
some of those training classes,
00:23:40.620 --> 00:23:43.470
they talk about the
fight or flight response.
00:23:43.470 --> 00:23:46.173
And we don't realize how
much that level of adrenaline
00:23:46.173 --> 00:23:49.262
and nervous energy coursing
through our body every day
00:23:49.262 --> 00:23:51.569
really can wear down our physical being
00:23:51.569 --> 00:23:53.730
as well as our emotional being.
00:23:53.730 --> 00:23:56.010
We're just not designed to
be in flight all the time.
00:23:56.010 --> 00:23:57.991
So to me, that's what she was describing,
00:23:57.991 --> 00:24:01.402
that just always being on
edge and kind of vibrating
00:24:01.402 --> 00:24:04.380
and usually out of anxiety
from what other people
00:24:04.380 --> 00:24:05.880
are expecting from us.
00:24:05.880 --> 00:24:08.690
So that's a big release,
that's an exciting result.
00:24:08.690 --> 00:24:11.220
- You made another comment also,
00:24:11.220 --> 00:24:12.510
and that is we were talking about
00:24:12.510 --> 00:24:14.850
what might would trigger grief.
00:24:14.850 --> 00:24:19.850
And my first reaction was
something negative has happened,
00:24:21.747 --> 00:24:26.747
but you mentioned a job
loss or leaving a bad job-
00:24:29.780 --> 00:24:31.530
- Yeah.
- That that can result
00:24:31.530 --> 00:24:34.680
in grief, meaning you
get away from a negative
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:36.570
but you still may be experiencing grief.
00:24:36.570 --> 00:24:37.890
Am I hearing that right?
00:24:37.890 --> 00:24:38.723
- You are.
00:24:38.723 --> 00:24:39.990
Thank you for picking up on that.
00:24:39.990 --> 00:24:41.850
So I have a definition of grief
00:24:41.850 --> 00:24:44.136
that might be surprising for your folks.
00:24:44.136 --> 00:24:49.110
The definition is that grief is a set
00:24:49.110 --> 00:24:53.079
of conflicting emotions
that results from any change
00:24:53.079 --> 00:24:55.920
or ending in a familiar pattern.
00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:59.533
So even if you leave a job on purpose,
00:24:59.533 --> 00:25:02.159
you are making a change and you are ending
00:25:02.159 --> 00:25:03.720
familiar patterns.
00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:06.450
Everything from how you
drive to work in the morning,
00:25:06.450 --> 00:25:08.760
to how you open your computer,
to where you, you know,
00:25:08.760 --> 00:25:10.216
who you talk to during your day,
00:25:10.216 --> 00:25:12.480
you're making a lot of little changes
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:15.379
when you leave a job
even if it's on purpose.
00:25:15.379 --> 00:25:19.890
And so there's always feelings of sadness,
00:25:19.890 --> 00:25:23.488
maybe anger, guilt,
when something changes.
00:25:23.488 --> 00:25:25.470
And you know, you can even think about it
00:25:25.470 --> 00:25:26.370
in the other direction.
00:25:26.370 --> 00:25:28.170
Even when you take on a new job
00:25:28.170 --> 00:25:30.390
or when you take on something
else that's really positive,
00:25:30.390 --> 00:25:32.246
like a new marriage or a new baby,
00:25:32.246 --> 00:25:34.620
there are parts of your experience
00:25:34.620 --> 00:25:35.533
that you're letting go of.
00:25:35.533 --> 00:25:37.713
And it's, you know, it's not only okay
00:25:37.713 --> 00:25:41.820
but it's expected to have some
negative emotions with that.
00:25:41.820 --> 00:25:43.320
So this is actually one of the things
00:25:43.320 --> 00:25:44.990
that I like talking about
because I would really like
00:25:44.990 --> 00:25:47.995
to normalize for everyone
that that's okay,
00:25:47.995 --> 00:25:49.514
that's part of the human experience.
00:25:49.514 --> 00:25:51.870
There's nothing to feel guilty about
00:25:51.870 --> 00:25:54.186
if you feel some challenging emotions
00:25:54.186 --> 00:25:56.246
around a happy occasion like a wedding
00:25:56.246 --> 00:25:58.950
or if you feel some positive emotions
00:25:58.950 --> 00:26:01.463
around a challenging change
like the loss of a loved one,
00:26:01.463 --> 00:26:02.330
right?
00:26:02.330 --> 00:26:04.607
Like, you know, like relief
that they're no longer suffering
00:26:04.607 --> 00:26:08.100
or release that you're out
of a caregiving role, right?
00:26:08.100 --> 00:26:10.800
Like grief is always a mix of emotions.
00:26:10.800 --> 00:26:13.251
It's not the name of just one emotion.
00:26:13.251 --> 00:26:15.801
- I appreciate you clarifying it.
00:26:15.801 --> 00:26:18.630
You know, this topic grief is much broader
00:26:18.630 --> 00:26:21.690
than one might think on the surface.
00:26:21.690 --> 00:26:22.523
- Yes.
00:26:22.523 --> 00:26:24.630
- What might be some other
things you'd wanna share
00:26:24.630 --> 00:26:26.670
with our listeners about grief
00:26:26.670 --> 00:26:29.340
that we might not have covered so far?
00:26:29.340 --> 00:26:31.500
- You know what I think, rather than go
00:26:31.500 --> 00:26:33.180
through a laundry list
I'm gonna let you know
00:26:33.180 --> 00:26:34.740
about something I have coming up
00:26:34.740 --> 00:26:36.870
that if people are
interested in that topic
00:26:36.870 --> 00:26:38.940
they can participate.
- Great.
00:26:38.940 --> 00:26:40.590
- Starting about middle of June
00:26:40.590 --> 00:26:44.550
I'm gonna be doing a live
streaming on LinkedIn and Facebook
00:26:44.550 --> 00:26:47.430
every Thursday at 10 a.m. Eastern.
00:26:47.430 --> 00:26:50.516
And the topic is called
the many faces of grief.
00:26:50.516 --> 00:26:53.658
And the reason why, I'm calling
it like a popup podcast,
00:26:53.658 --> 00:26:57.480
'cause I'm not officially a
podcaster like you at this point
00:26:57.480 --> 00:26:59.060
in my career, I might be someday.
00:26:59.060 --> 00:27:01.539
But I think there's so many
cool topics to talk about.
00:27:01.539 --> 00:27:03.270
And so that's the idea.
00:27:03.270 --> 00:27:05.322
I'm just gonna have different friends,
00:27:05.322 --> 00:27:09.354
clients and experts come on
and discuss different topics.
00:27:09.354 --> 00:27:12.489
So I'll just run through a few
of them that are top of mind.
00:27:12.489 --> 00:27:15.457
One thing that I've been
noodling on is grief is a thief.
00:27:15.457 --> 00:27:20.130
Another one is grief as career counselor.
00:27:20.130 --> 00:27:22.650
Sometimes grief is what can motivate us
00:27:22.650 --> 00:27:24.463
to make a change in our career.
00:27:24.463 --> 00:27:27.611
I have a colleague, we've
been experimenting with play.
00:27:27.611 --> 00:27:31.590
And so we're gonna talk
about do grief and play
00:27:31.590 --> 00:27:33.087
have anything to do with each other.
00:27:33.087 --> 00:27:34.920
And I don't have an
answer to that one yet.
00:27:34.920 --> 00:27:36.390
I'm just gonna come to the conversation
00:27:36.390 --> 00:27:37.787
and see what unfolds.
00:27:37.787 --> 00:27:39.630
So all sorts of things like that.
00:27:39.630 --> 00:27:42.602
I have a little topic in mind
called grief as a house guest.
00:27:42.602 --> 00:27:45.472
So the point being there
are many different aspects.
00:27:45.472 --> 00:27:47.819
I just thought of another
one I wanted to share.
00:27:47.819 --> 00:27:50.363
Grief as a public health issue.
00:27:50.363 --> 00:27:52.961
How grief can be a root cause to a lot
00:27:52.961 --> 00:27:56.133
of the maladies that we deal
with in our individual health
00:27:56.133 --> 00:27:58.680
and in our collective health.
00:27:58.680 --> 00:28:02.099
So I think it's gonna be a
very interesting opportunity
00:28:02.099 --> 00:28:04.110
just to explore some of those things.
00:28:04.110 --> 00:28:07.530
So wanna let you know if
people look for me on LinkedIn,
00:28:07.530 --> 00:28:12.530
Jinnie Lee Schmid or
Change Navigators, LLC,
00:28:12.702 --> 00:28:15.447
that's probably the best
place to find these lives.
00:28:15.447 --> 00:28:19.869
And I'll also keep my website
Change Navigators, LLC,
00:28:19.869 --> 00:28:21.840
I'll keep that updated as well
00:28:21.840 --> 00:28:25.020
so people can tune into
these as they would like to.
00:28:25.020 --> 00:28:28.890
- I will obviously include those links-
00:28:28.890 --> 00:28:30.150
- Yeah.
- In the show notes
00:28:30.150 --> 00:28:31.830
so people can refer to it.
00:28:31.830 --> 00:28:35.040
Now, we need to let our
listeners in a little secret.
00:28:35.040 --> 00:28:38.314
We are recording this
podcast in early June.
00:28:38.314 --> 00:28:43.314
And as a general rule though
we release these once a week,
00:28:43.656 --> 00:28:47.850
this podcast might not
actually get publicized
00:28:47.850 --> 00:28:50.290
until well after you start this.
00:28:50.290 --> 00:28:51.870
- Yeah.
- And so
00:28:51.870 --> 00:28:56.087
as it stands right now,
this podcast might not even
00:28:56.087 --> 00:28:59.790
go live for another eight to nine weeks.
00:28:59.790 --> 00:29:01.499
- Yeah.
- So that being said,
00:29:01.499 --> 00:29:04.080
people may be hearing it after it started.
00:29:04.080 --> 00:29:06.486
But what my hope is is by
the time they do hear this,
00:29:06.486 --> 00:29:09.428
they would've, you've gotten
kind of a track record
00:29:09.428 --> 00:29:10.770
established.
00:29:10.770 --> 00:29:13.288
Will those be recorded or is it just live?
00:29:13.288 --> 00:29:15.838
- Well, they're gonna be streaming live,
00:29:15.838 --> 00:29:19.440
but that also means they should
stay embedded in the feed
00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:20.550
and so someone could, you know,
00:29:20.550 --> 00:29:22.058
scroll back through the Facebook group
00:29:22.058 --> 00:29:25.219
or through the LinkedIn page and find it.
00:29:25.219 --> 00:29:27.990
And I may also end up
posting them on YouTube.
00:29:27.990 --> 00:29:29.928
So yes, I definitely wanna
capture them for posterity
00:29:29.928 --> 00:29:33.180
and they will be available for people
00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:34.686
to access in perpetuity.
00:29:34.686 --> 00:29:37.239
Hopefully the interest lasts that long.
00:29:37.239 --> 00:29:39.300
- I'm confident it will.
00:29:39.300 --> 00:29:42.109
Now another thing I
wanna ask is resources.
00:29:42.109 --> 00:29:46.290
When people, when I listed these things
00:29:46.290 --> 00:29:50.340
that might be something
that could be an indication
00:29:50.340 --> 00:29:51.420
of grief.
00:29:51.420 --> 00:29:52.770
When you're working with clients,
00:29:52.770 --> 00:29:56.439
do you have go to resources
that you typically share
00:29:56.439 --> 00:29:57.874
with them?
00:29:57.874 --> 00:30:00.382
- A couple of things come to mind.
00:30:00.382 --> 00:30:02.415
Number one, for people
who want to continue
00:30:02.415 --> 00:30:06.510
that exploration beyond that
bulleted list of questions
00:30:06.510 --> 00:30:07.575
that you did at the beginning,
00:30:07.575 --> 00:30:11.460
I have a downloadable
workbook at my website,
00:30:11.460 --> 00:30:13.980
which is changenavigatorsllc.com,
00:30:13.980 --> 00:30:15.480
which we'll post in your notes.
00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:17.610
And so I think that's
a great place to start.
00:30:17.610 --> 00:30:20.700
It's just another way to sort
of take a scan of your life
00:30:20.700 --> 00:30:22.507
and see whether you're
feeling any of those impacts
00:30:22.507 --> 00:30:24.740
from all the life events
you've experienced.
00:30:24.740 --> 00:30:27.553
When I'm doing the work with my clients,
00:30:27.553 --> 00:30:30.087
we use the grief recovery handbook,
00:30:30.087 --> 00:30:32.586
which I'm gonna actually
show you a visual of that.
00:30:32.586 --> 00:30:36.480
Mine looks kind of funny 'cause
I use it quite frequently,
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:38.700
but it's a purple paperback book.
00:30:38.700 --> 00:30:40.380
It's from the Grief Recovery Institute
00:30:40.380 --> 00:30:41.980
and this is our guidebook.
00:30:41.980 --> 00:30:43.733
It is of course, available on Amazon
00:30:43.733 --> 00:30:46.260
for people who want to
check it out for themselves.
00:30:46.260 --> 00:30:49.740
Let's all be honest, when
you don't have a coach,
00:30:49.740 --> 00:30:51.681
you're less likely to work
through these activities.
00:30:51.681 --> 00:30:54.630
So that's my call out to you
if you're really accountable
00:30:54.630 --> 00:30:56.525
to wanna get your
healing work with a coach
00:30:56.525 --> 00:30:58.950
but I did wanna share
that that's available
00:30:58.950 --> 00:31:00.439
to the general public.
00:31:00.439 --> 00:31:02.460
And again, you know, to be honest,
00:31:02.460 --> 00:31:05.355
I think one of the most
important resources
00:31:05.355 --> 00:31:07.800
is that coach or accountability buddy,
00:31:07.800 --> 00:31:10.979
because it's just hard to step
into this kind of emotional
00:31:10.979 --> 00:31:12.540
work without that.
00:31:12.540 --> 00:31:15.090
And I think one of the
most important things I do
00:31:15.090 --> 00:31:17.460
with my clients is provide that safe space
00:31:17.460 --> 00:31:20.700
in our one-on-one coaching
to where they, you know,
00:31:20.700 --> 00:31:22.710
they have that they can close the door,
00:31:22.710 --> 00:31:24.450
let it all hang out for an hour.
00:31:24.450 --> 00:31:27.210
I swear everyone leaves
the session feeling better
00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:29.400
than when they started it
even if they were dreading it
00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:30.300
that day.
00:31:30.300 --> 00:31:32.760
It's really quite, to do
this work with a coach
00:31:32.760 --> 00:31:35.100
is really an easier and faster process
00:31:35.100 --> 00:31:37.357
than many people may imagine
so I just wanna invite people
00:31:37.357 --> 00:31:39.760
to be open to that
'cause it's not as scary
00:31:39.760 --> 00:31:43.068
as it feels on the front end.
00:31:43.068 --> 00:31:48.068
- For those who are watching
versus just listening to audio,
00:31:48.210 --> 00:31:50.797
perhaps you're on YouTube and
you saw Jinnie raise a book
00:31:50.797 --> 00:31:52.770
and showed hers.
00:31:52.770 --> 00:31:54.150
I'm gonna do the exact same thing
00:31:54.150 --> 00:31:57.108
because if you're watching,
I have that same book
00:31:57.108 --> 00:31:59.440
and I didn't just happen upon this.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:03.055
In our podcast prep conversation,
00:32:03.055 --> 00:32:07.890
I had shared that I too was
experiencing a recent loss
00:32:07.890 --> 00:32:10.830
and Jinnie was kind of,
she actually sent me a copy
00:32:10.830 --> 00:32:14.760
of this book that again
was very kind of you.
00:32:14.760 --> 00:32:18.600
So thank you for sharing that with me.
00:32:18.600 --> 00:32:20.400
And I also wanna thank you just
00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:25.320
for just being who you are
and your willingness to,
00:32:25.320 --> 00:32:29.079
this is a tough topic,
but you embrace this topic
00:32:29.079 --> 00:32:33.510
with such positivity and possibility
00:32:33.510 --> 00:32:38.430
and it's very clear to me
that you would be a very much
00:32:38.430 --> 00:32:41.010
a blessing to those who reach out to you.
00:32:41.010 --> 00:32:41.880
- Thank you.
00:32:41.880 --> 00:32:43.710
Well, Mike, I'll let you
in on a little secret
00:32:43.710 --> 00:32:46.218
that makes me giggle.
00:32:46.218 --> 00:32:49.204
I recently started calling myself
00:32:49.204 --> 00:32:54.204
the world's happiest
grief coach and it's funny
00:32:55.170 --> 00:32:56.790
'cause it's such a dichotomy, right,
00:32:56.790 --> 00:32:58.197
like it's a disconnect.
00:32:58.197 --> 00:33:00.930
And I felt kind of funny
about that for a while.
00:33:00.930 --> 00:33:03.180
And then I thought this
is what it's all about.
00:33:03.180 --> 00:33:05.088
I mean, the point is to show that grief,
00:33:05.088 --> 00:33:07.155
despite what we've been taught for years
00:33:07.155 --> 00:33:09.465
is not just something
you put in your backpack
00:33:09.465 --> 00:33:11.880
and carry around for
the rest of your life.
00:33:11.880 --> 00:33:12.958
You don't have to.
00:33:12.958 --> 00:33:15.270
I don't believe it honors the loved ones
00:33:15.270 --> 00:33:17.493
you've lost to do that because
they would rather see you
00:33:17.493 --> 00:33:21.211
have that vital, free, engaged, happy life
00:33:21.211 --> 00:33:23.430
in your remaining years.
00:33:23.430 --> 00:33:25.800
So I just felt like it
was time to start saying
00:33:25.800 --> 00:33:28.200
that out loud and owning that persona
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:30.401
because the point is I want people to see
00:33:30.401 --> 00:33:33.142
what the possibilities are.
00:33:33.142 --> 00:33:35.870
So I've had a lot of grief in my life
00:33:35.870 --> 00:33:39.240
and I found a tool that
helped me resolve it.
00:33:39.240 --> 00:33:41.669
And my goal is like you said, bring that.
00:33:41.669 --> 00:33:43.410
I wanna bring that positivity
00:33:43.410 --> 00:33:45.150
and that hope for people
because I think people
00:33:45.150 --> 00:33:48.750
when they're stuck in grief
or if they're carrying around
00:33:48.750 --> 00:33:50.520
that backpack of grief
that they don't even know
00:33:50.520 --> 00:33:52.948
what to call it, it's a hopeless feeling
00:33:52.948 --> 00:33:55.680
and there's just nothing,
certainly nothing
00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:57.702
more damaging to our
performance than a lack of hope,
00:33:57.702 --> 00:34:02.677
but also to just our human
life possibilities and so I'm,
00:34:03.660 --> 00:34:04.710
you know, anytime I get a chance
00:34:04.710 --> 00:34:06.450
to help someone take that backpack off
00:34:06.450 --> 00:34:09.437
and step into the rest of
their life, their new normal,
00:34:09.437 --> 00:34:11.250
it's an incredible privilege
00:34:11.250 --> 00:34:13.170
and it's part of what keeps
me the world's happiest
00:34:13.170 --> 00:34:14.531
grief coach, getting
to help people do that.
00:34:14.531 --> 00:34:19.531
- I think that moniker is a
perfect description for you.
00:34:19.704 --> 00:34:24.704
And thank you for sharing
your expertise, your passion,
00:34:24.796 --> 00:34:29.670
and your happiness as we dealt
with this topic of grief.
00:34:29.670 --> 00:34:31.170
Thank you so much.
00:34:31.170 --> 00:34:32.130
- Always my pleasure.
00:34:32.130 --> 00:34:33.483
Thanks for the opportunity.
00:34:34.770 --> 00:34:38.100
- I also wanna thank our
listeners for joining us today.
00:34:38.100 --> 00:34:40.574
We upload the latest episode to Apple,
00:34:40.574 --> 00:34:43.650
Google, and Spotify every Thursday.
00:34:43.650 --> 00:34:46.380
So if you've enjoyed
this episode with Jinnie,
00:34:46.380 --> 00:34:48.139
please subscribe.
00:34:48.139 --> 00:34:49.968
I've got a question for you the listener.
00:34:49.968 --> 00:34:52.230
Is your company growing quickly?
00:34:52.230 --> 00:34:54.540
Are you worried that you
don't have the right people
00:34:54.540 --> 00:34:58.050
and processes in place to
handle that increased workload?
00:34:58.050 --> 00:35:00.001
If yes, let's talk.
00:35:00.001 --> 00:35:04.350
Head to bench-builders.com
to schedule a quick call.
00:35:04.350 --> 00:35:06.150
We'll explore ways to help you solve
00:35:06.150 --> 00:35:11.010
those nagging problems so you
can scale faster and smarter.
00:35:11.010 --> 00:35:12.810
So I wanna thank you for joining us
00:35:12.810 --> 00:35:15.169
and I hope you have picked
up on some tips from Jinnie
00:35:15.169 --> 00:35:19.800
that will help you get
unstuck and on target.
00:35:19.800 --> 00:35:20.703
Until next time.
00:35:21.961 --> 00:35:25.044
(mellow happy music)