March 10

Episode 73: The Complete Man: Achieve Ultimate Performance, Fulfillment and Victory in EVERY Area of Your Life with Purdeep Sangha

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In this episode, Mike talks with Purdeep Sangha from Toronto. Purdeep is the founder of Sangha Worldwide, and he’s an authority on business growth and men’s leadership. 

Purdeep Sangha’s Biography 

Purdeep is the World’s Leader in Complete Strategic Advising and the international best-selling author of “The Complete Man.” 

He is an internationally acclaimed business and personal advisor and consultant to high-performing executives and entrepreneurs. He teaches men how to become The Complete Man; a man who achieves ultimate performance, fulfillment, and victory in every area of his life. He shows men how to live at their highest potential and be the best possible business leader, husband, father, and man they can be.

From the very first moment he started managing employees at the age of 16, he was fascinated with business growth and leadership. Purdeep has spent his entire career solving complex problems and enhancing results for businesses and the lives of men. He has significantly increased the performance and bottom lines of businesses ranging from startups to seasoned corporations in countless industries. He is the “ideal” advisor for businessmen as he has a vast understanding of how work and life fit together to complete a man’s life. Purdeep has extreme expertise, skills, and insight in business strategy, marketing & sales and also has expert knowledge in innovation, customer experience, high-performance teams, and, operations. He has spent tens of thousands of hours studying, researching, and, experiencing business and personal growth opportunities around the world.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn…

  • The key thing with the concept of “The Complete Man,” the principle behind it, is that as long as we focus on who we are internally, and we’re continuing to grow, and we are, you can say fulfilled with who we are, rather than what we have in the external world, we will feel a lot more complete. 
  • If it typically takes you eight hours a day to perform your tasks or your activities, can we cut that down to six hours and four hours? And we absolutely can.
  • How do you get this sense of results when it comes to fulfillment?
  • Have men lost touch with emotions? 
  • What is it they’re trying to work on to improve their emotional wellbeing?

Quotables

  • “I think what we’ve seen in society today is that there’s a lot of bravado, especially with social media, there’s a lot of this, hey, people are living in a great life.” Purdeep Sangha
  • “If we don’t take a look at all aspects of our life that are most important to us and try to balance them to the best of our ability, we end up feeling incomplete.” Purdeep Sangha
  • “No one wants to go in into a game and wanna lose. Everybody wants to win.” Purdeep Sangha

Links & Resources Mentioned…

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Read The Transcript

WEBVTT

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(bright upbeat music)

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Mike O'Neill - Welcome back to the Get
Unstuck and On Target podcast.

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I'm Mike O'Neill with Bench Builders,

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and we help business owners like you

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solve the tough people problem

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that may be slowing your company's growth.

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Joining me today from
Toronto is Purdeep Sangha.

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Purdeep is the founder
of Sangha Worldwide,

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and he's an authority on business growth

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and men's leadership.

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Women too, will benefit from what Purdeep

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will be sharing today.

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But before I continue my introduction,

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I've got a question for our listeners.

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Do you feel like you've
got everything you want

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in business and in life,

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or are you like most men who
feel incomplete in some way?

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Purdeep teaches men how to
become "The Complete Man"

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and to live at their highest potential

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to be the best possible business
leader, husband, father,

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and man that they can be.

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Purdeep is a blogger,
podcaster. and author.

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Welcome Purdeep.

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Purdeep Sangha - Hey Mike, thanks for having me.

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Mike O'Neill - Purdeep, as we were talking

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before we kind of hit the record button,

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there are so many things that
we could actually talk about

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and I'd like to just jump right into,

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and that is the entitle your book,

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"The Complete Man: Achieve
Ultimate Performance,

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"Fulfillment and Victory in
Every Area of Your Life."

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We're gonna unpack that,
but in today's world,

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why do most people when
asked that question,

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do you feel complete?

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Most men say no, what's missing?

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Purdeep Sangha - Oh wow, I guess there's so
many things that are missing

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depending on the individual.

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But I think what we've
seen in society today

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is that there's a lot of bravado,

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there's a lot of, especially
with social media,

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there's a lot of this,

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hey, people are living in a great life.

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There's pictures of their fancy cars,

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their homes, their yachts.

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And we know that a lot of that

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is surface level living basically.

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And because I know this, I
work with some very top CEOs,

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and powerful men all around the world.

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Even men that have tons and tons of money

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that could pay for generations
to come have challenges,

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and sometimes even bigger challenges

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than the everyday average men.

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And the reason is because we
all in some way shape or form.

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If we don't take a look
at all aspects of our life

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that are most important to us

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and try to balance them to
the best of our ability,

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we end up feeling incomplete.

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And that's what we end up
doing especially as men,

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because we focus a lot on
our business or our careers.

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And so I can say this
with personal experience,

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and our research that eight out of 10 men

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are feeling incomplete in
some way, shape or another,

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probably even closer
to nine out of 10 men.

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And it's either something
in their relationship.

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So they've spent so much time,

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they've built a successful
business, or career,

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they got a ton of money, but guess what?

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They've had to sacrifice their marriage

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or the time with their kids

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when their kids were
younger and growing up,

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and either they're
estranged from their spouse,

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or maybe their kids,

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they're not as close to
them as they like to be,

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or even their personal health.

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So a lot of men have
sacrificed their own health

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for success in some way, shape or form.

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And then there's men that
focus on their relationship,

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but they feel like maybe their career

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isn't where they want it to be,

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or maybe they don't have enough money

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or they like to provide
a better life style

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for their families.

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So all of us,

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there's something that we
always feel like we're missing.

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And the key thing with the
concept of "The Complete Man,"

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the principle behind it,

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is that as long as we focus
on who we are internally,

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and we're continuing to grow,

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and we are, you can say
fulfilled with who we are,

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rather than what we have
in the external world,

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we will feel a lot more complete.

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Mike O'Neill - You know, before we started recording,

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we were talking about how this topic

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can benefit both men and women.

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And you shared with me that
pretty sizable percentage

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of the folks who buy and read
your book, who read your blog,

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who listen to your podcasts are women.

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And therefore I just
wanna remind our listeners

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and those watching it,

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if you're a woman there's so much

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that I hope you'll be
able to draw from this,

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but I will be phrasing
most of my questions

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and our interactions from
the perspective of a man.

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You know, you mentioned in your book

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of the things that we men tend to do,

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particularly in business.

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And we look at the results.

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And what I recall from your book

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is that so often we lose
sight of the results

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and you just kind of open up by saying,

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business when it's all said and done,

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it's about getting results.

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Purdeep Sangha - Yeah, yeah, it really
is about getting results,

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but also taking the time to
be fulfilled with the results.

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And that's where the missing key is.

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And that's why I talk about the book,

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it's about performance,
which all men want to do.

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They wanna perform at their best

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and live at their highest potential.

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And that comes with achievement,

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which is if you're gonna
play a game of hockey,

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if you're gonna go to the
championship, you wanna win.

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That's really what it's about.

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No one wants to go in into
a game and wanna lose.

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Everybody wants to win.

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So that achievement pieces
is absolutely critical

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as well for men.

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But most men skip out on the last element

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which is fulfillment.

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So we will go, we will
perform, we will achieve,

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we will hit a goal,

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and then we'll automatically
set another goal to hit.

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But we won't take the
time to actually enjoy

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where we are and how we've
grown as an individual.

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And that's ultimately where
true fulfillment comes from,

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is two aspects,

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how we've grown and what
value we've provided

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and how we've helped others.

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And if we can actually do that,

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not only if we focus on fulfillment,

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our performance actually
skyrockets as well,

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but what ends up happening,

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if you just focus on
performance and achievement,

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and you're missing the last element,

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well, that circle's incomplete.

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And then this is what ends up happening

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is men continue to push

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and it's outta sheer
will and sheer work ethic

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that you continue to go and you feel,

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and eventually what
happens is you burn out,

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or you've accomplished
all these great things,

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and you feel this massive void,

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and you don't know how to fill it.

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And that's what a lot of successful men

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in their careers or businesses have done.

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They're in their 50s, 60s, even 70s,

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and now money can't buy them happiness.

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And that can be a challenge.

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Mike O'Neill - You know, I open with
that first question,

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results, results, results,

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which is a very business sounding term.

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But as you're working with
men to help them identify

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what it is they need to
do to feel more fulfilled,

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how do you measure the
results of your work

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when you work with men?

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How do they get this sense of results

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when it comes to fulfillment?

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Purdeep Sangha - Sure, so, we do measure a
lot, so we measure performance.

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So how well are you performing?

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So for example, productivity.

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So, if it typically takes
you eight hours a day

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to perform you can say your
tasks or your activities,

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can we cut that down to
six hours and four hours?

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And we absolutely can,

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because we know with our
productivity methods that you can.

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So that's a big measure.

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When men prior to working with us,

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feel like they have no time.

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They have no free time to
spend with their family,

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but now they have few hours every evening

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to spend with their family.

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So that's a clear measurement.

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And achievement is another
easy measurement as well.

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You have a goal.

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You want to make X amount
of money, or you wanna lose.

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And we're not a fitness organization,

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but we partner with partners
that help our clients

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get fitter and healthier.

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But if you wanna lose 20 pounds,

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that's easy to measure, right?

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At the end of six months,
you not only feel better,

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but you can see it around your waist

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and you can measure it on a scale.

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So you can see those results.

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Now, when it comes to fulfillment,
that is very subjective,

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but there's an easy way to do it.

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Do you feel better, right?

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Do you feel better, and do
you feel better more often?

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And that's ultimately it

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because we have this what
we call emotional checks,

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and we first start off with men,

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we get them to program
it either their daytimer

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or their watch or whatever it is.

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An alarm pops up and says,
"Okay, emotional check."

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And what that means is at that moment,

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just stop to think and be
mindful of how you're feeling,

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and is that emotion or those emotions

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aligned with how you want to feel.

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And what we do is we always
start with emotions first.

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So we ask,

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and we go into detail in
terms of what kind of emotions

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does this individual want to
feel on a more regular basis?

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Because that's ultimately
what life is about.

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Your life is tied to the quality
of emotions that you have.

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Some men prefer to live a peaceful life.

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Some men prefer to have
a more exciting life,

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a more passionate life.

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So, it all depends on what
you want in your own life.

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And if we can help you feel
those emotions more frequently

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and at a higher level,

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then we know that we're
actually making progress.

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So that's how we measure results as well.

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Mike O'Neill - I really appreciate that clarification.

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You mentioned that emotions drive so much.

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Do you find that we men
sometimes have lost touch

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with emotions that just,
you start with that,

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but that's a pretty major
hurdle just to get them

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aware of what we're talking
about and articulate,

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what is it they're trying to work on

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to improve the emotional wellbeing?

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Purdeep Sangha - Yeah, I think, well,
this is a big question,

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and a big topic, because
it's not only losing touch.

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It's not knowing how to deal
with the emotions, right?

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And this happens to a
lot of women as well,

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because women are being,

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you can say raised differently
now and trained differently

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to be almost more like men.

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And so, it's very interesting
to see the dynamics,

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but we as men, A, through
evolution for example,

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and this is what research shows

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is that we don't express
our emotions as much,

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because let's just say 2000 years ago,

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if you came across a man
that expresses emotions

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and showed weakness,

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well, you could easily take
advantage of that person.

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So we as men, they have shown now

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that our facial expressions
are not as emotional,

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because it may have been
a protective mechanism.

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And so that's just one element.

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The other aspect is
the way our brain works

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compared to women, is that
there's a part of our brain

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that will automatically see
a problem, feel an emotion,

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and then trigger a response to fix it.

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And that's why men,
it's a classic example.

00:11:09.930 --> 00:11:11.447
When women feel something men are like,

00:11:11.447 --> 00:11:13.790
"Okay, let's fix it, let's
try to problem solve."

00:11:13.790 --> 00:11:15.980
Where women just wanna talk about it.

00:11:15.980 --> 00:11:18.070
And that's because our
brains work that way.

00:11:18.070 --> 00:11:21.080
We're taught and we are
biologically programmed

00:11:21.080 --> 00:11:22.680
to try to fix things.

00:11:22.680 --> 00:11:25.330
And so it's not necessarily
that we don't feel the emotion

00:11:25.330 --> 00:11:27.560
because research shows
that we feel emotions

00:11:27.560 --> 00:11:29.270
just as intensely as women,

00:11:29.270 --> 00:11:32.600
but we may not sit in those
emotions as long as women.

00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:36.870
We may try to fix those
emotions a lot faster.

00:11:36.870 --> 00:11:38.400
And that's a big reason.

00:11:38.400 --> 00:11:40.300
And the other thing is
we haven't been trained

00:11:40.300 --> 00:11:43.770
to deal with our emotions,
and that's women as well,

00:11:43.770 --> 00:11:44.990
but women have this advantage

00:11:44.990 --> 00:11:47.350
where they will talk to each other,

00:11:47.350 --> 00:11:49.930
especially at a younger
age about their emotions

00:11:49.930 --> 00:11:50.763
and how they feel.

00:11:50.763 --> 00:11:52.200
Young girls if you see how they behave

00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:54.560
compared to young boys
it's very different.

00:11:54.560 --> 00:11:56.700
And so they've been able to talk

00:11:56.700 --> 00:11:59.510
and express about their
feelings at a younger age

00:11:59.510 --> 00:12:01.610
where boys typically aren't.

00:12:01.610 --> 00:12:05.340
So the way we are raised, and
this is a societal aspect,

00:12:05.340 --> 00:12:07.030
this is where social,

00:12:07.030 --> 00:12:12.030
you can say connections actually
influences our behavior.

00:12:12.550 --> 00:12:15.000
Well, men, we just don't
talk about our emotions,

00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:16.340
'cause we've been trained not to.

00:12:16.340 --> 00:12:19.550
And this is where there's a lot of benefit

00:12:19.550 --> 00:12:23.490
for us to be able to talk to
our young men, our young boys,

00:12:23.490 --> 00:12:26.250
and allow them to express
their emotions openly

00:12:26.250 --> 00:12:28.430
and not feel ashamed about them.

00:12:28.430 --> 00:12:31.700
But that's a big topic on its own.

00:12:31.700 --> 00:12:33.470
Mike O'Neill - Yeah, I know that we could do a podcast

00:12:33.470 --> 00:12:35.040
on almost every one of these things

00:12:35.040 --> 00:12:37.430
that I have asked you thus far.

00:12:37.430 --> 00:12:42.320
Can we go back to, I asked about
how do you measure results?

00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:44.080
Because we know we can measure results

00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:45.550
from a business standpoint,

00:12:45.550 --> 00:12:48.300
but you indicated that
there are ways to measure.

00:12:48.300 --> 00:12:50.010
One thing's I think I heard you say

00:12:50.010 --> 00:12:52.440
is in the form of productivity,

00:12:52.440 --> 00:12:55.960
if you can get the
things done in less time,

00:12:55.960 --> 00:12:57.780
that will free up time,

00:12:57.780 --> 00:13:00.300
free up times to perhaps do things

00:13:00.300 --> 00:13:02.440
that will add fulfillment.

00:13:02.440 --> 00:13:05.630
Do you find that when men have extra time,

00:13:05.630 --> 00:13:06.480
they've worked hard?

00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:08.630
They've got still a little bit struggle

00:13:08.630 --> 00:13:10.590
with what to do if that extra time?

00:13:10.590 --> 00:13:11.877
Purdeep Sangha - Yeah, absolutely, because there's men

00:13:11.877 --> 00:13:14.100
and this happens because
a lot of men will say,

00:13:14.100 --> 00:13:16.560
well, I don't have time,
but they have lots of time.

00:13:16.560 --> 00:13:18.620
What they're doing is they're not present

00:13:18.620 --> 00:13:20.430
in the moment that they are in.

00:13:20.430 --> 00:13:21.650
And this is a big challenge.

00:13:21.650 --> 00:13:23.380
This is a big challenge
for high performing men

00:13:23.380 --> 00:13:26.150
where they will work throughout the day,

00:13:26.150 --> 00:13:27.500
and they'll be all strung up,

00:13:27.500 --> 00:13:28.920
and then they go home

00:13:28.920 --> 00:13:31.493
and they are with their family physically,

00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:35.790
but mentally they're
continuing to think about work.

00:13:35.790 --> 00:13:38.510
And that I would say 80% of men

00:13:38.510 --> 00:13:41.000
have that challenge probably even more.

00:13:41.000 --> 00:13:43.300
And then they say, well,
they don't have time.

00:13:43.300 --> 00:13:45.590
And so they, we have to
get to the root cause.

00:13:45.590 --> 00:13:47.300
But a big factor of the root cause

00:13:47.300 --> 00:13:49.440
is not being able to be present

00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:52.750
because we always default
to do achievement.

00:13:52.750 --> 00:13:54.750
Our brain is a goal driven organ.

00:13:54.750 --> 00:13:57.960
It really is and this is one
of the things that we teach

00:13:57.960 --> 00:13:59.990
is we have a method through neuroscience

00:13:59.990 --> 00:14:01.510
that actually teaches your brain

00:14:01.510 --> 00:14:03.310
to actually switch into family mode.

00:14:04.770 --> 00:14:07.820
And I'll give you a simple
example or a simple tip.

00:14:07.820 --> 00:14:09.350
And it's in the book as well.

00:14:09.350 --> 00:14:11.673
Is when you are done work,

00:14:12.600 --> 00:14:15.700
the thing that you have to do
is check off that last thing

00:14:15.700 --> 00:14:16.860
that you were thinking about,

00:14:16.860 --> 00:14:19.600
even if you have a physical
checklist, check it off.

00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:21.610
Because when you say I am done,

00:14:21.610 --> 00:14:24.530
you are telling your brain
that you are done this task.

00:14:24.530 --> 00:14:27.540
But if you have something
that is not complete,

00:14:27.540 --> 00:14:28.470
if you leave work,

00:14:28.470 --> 00:14:31.610
your brain will continue
to think about that thing.

00:14:31.610 --> 00:14:34.050
And so that's why it's
important to always check off

00:14:34.050 --> 00:14:38.000
your last task at the end of
the day before or you go home,

00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:41.417
or you might have a big
project and you might say,

00:14:41.417 --> 00:14:43.460
"Oh man, I still gotta do
this, this isn't done."

00:14:43.460 --> 00:14:46.220
You can make up a small task,

00:14:46.220 --> 00:14:47.700
just make up a small task
that you can get done

00:14:47.700 --> 00:14:49.470
in a couple minutes and check it off

00:14:49.470 --> 00:14:50.580
because that'll tell your brain again,

00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:52.320
that you've just finished it off.

00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:55.590
Then what you do is
what we call symbolism.

00:14:55.590 --> 00:14:57.980
And symbolism could be
a ritual of some sort

00:14:57.980 --> 00:15:01.320
where some guys just
slam their laptop shut,

00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:02.920
they scrum up the last piece of paper,

00:15:02.920 --> 00:15:04.260
and they throw it in the waste basket.

00:15:04.260 --> 00:15:07.320
Like that's their symbolism
to say I'm done for the day,

00:15:07.320 --> 00:15:08.850
I'm done work for the day.

00:15:08.850 --> 00:15:10.930
What that does is, again,
it trains your to say

00:15:10.930 --> 00:15:13.670
I'm going into a different mode now.

00:15:13.670 --> 00:15:17.390
And then having a goal,
and here's the key.

00:15:17.390 --> 00:15:20.690
Because your brain is a goal driven organ,

00:15:20.690 --> 00:15:21.990
we have so many goals at work,

00:15:21.990 --> 00:15:23.540
we have very few goals at home.

00:15:24.560 --> 00:15:25.993
So, when we go home,

00:15:26.880 --> 00:15:30.040
we don't have a goal with
our family typically.

00:15:30.040 --> 00:15:33.340
And so having a goal for
your family is important.

00:15:33.340 --> 00:15:36.300
Maybe is just to sit there

00:15:36.300 --> 00:15:38.943
and listen to your wife
talk for 15 minutes,

00:15:39.800 --> 00:15:43.130
set that goal, say I'm
gonna be super patient,

00:15:43.130 --> 00:15:44.680
and just sit there for 15 minutes

00:15:44.680 --> 00:15:47.023
and listen to my wife
and connect with her.

00:15:48.130 --> 00:15:50.250
There you go, that's one
goal that you've achieved.

00:15:50.250 --> 00:15:52.340
Now, I'm gonna spend
20 minutes with my kids

00:15:52.340 --> 00:15:55.080
quality time, laughing,
joking, playing around,

00:15:55.080 --> 00:15:57.540
coloring, whatever it is,
however old your kids are,

00:15:57.540 --> 00:16:00.760
but engaging your kids, there's the goal.

00:16:00.760 --> 00:16:03.540
I'm gonna spend 20 minutes
reading just so I can wind down.

00:16:03.540 --> 00:16:06.900
See, that's why, if you
don't have goals at home,

00:16:06.900 --> 00:16:08.970
you continue to think about work.

00:16:08.970 --> 00:16:11.940
And then there's another
element with that as well.

00:16:11.940 --> 00:16:14.020
And that is your identity.

00:16:14.020 --> 00:16:17.010
Your identity is extremely powerful

00:16:17.010 --> 00:16:19.480
and we don't just have one identity

00:16:19.480 --> 00:16:22.030
as men or as women or as
human beings, we don't.

00:16:22.030 --> 00:16:25.100
Because how we are, who
we believe we are at work,

00:16:25.100 --> 00:16:29.010
is completely different than
who we believe we are at home.

00:16:29.010 --> 00:16:32.960
We try to, if we try
to be that same person,

00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:34.210
life gets tough.

00:16:34.210 --> 00:16:37.990
For example, I have a
different identity at work

00:16:37.990 --> 00:16:39.360
because I lead an organization.

00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:42.260
I work with a CEO who
is a very powerful man.

00:16:42.260 --> 00:16:43.910
So I have to have a different identity.

00:16:43.910 --> 00:16:46.140
If I try to play that same
identity with my kids,

00:16:46.140 --> 00:16:47.240
well, it's gonna bomb.

00:16:48.170 --> 00:16:49.620
They're not gonna enjoy
hanging out with me

00:16:49.620 --> 00:16:51.650
and I'm not gonna enjoy
hanging out with them.

00:16:51.650 --> 00:16:54.200
So, I have to switch my identity.

00:16:54.200 --> 00:16:57.580
And one of the ones that about
in the book is with my kids.

00:16:57.580 --> 00:16:59.050
It's Disney dad.

00:16:59.050 --> 00:17:00.970
So I tell myself, I gotta be Disney dad,

00:17:00.970 --> 00:17:02.930
how am I gonna be Disney dad?

00:17:02.930 --> 00:17:06.480
And so that switches my
brain to be in that mode,

00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:08.680
to be able to be present with my kids,

00:17:08.680 --> 00:17:11.650
and be that personality that I need to be.

00:17:11.650 --> 00:17:16.220
So these are just some tips
for both a man and a woman

00:17:16.220 --> 00:17:18.140
to utilize in their life,

00:17:18.140 --> 00:17:22.150
to be able to have that
quality time, as you said.

00:17:22.150 --> 00:17:23.790
And the original question is

00:17:23.790 --> 00:17:25.532
even if they have the free time,

00:17:25.532 --> 00:17:27.920
do they end up utilizing it effectively?

00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:29.720
This is one way to actually do that.

00:17:31.110 --> 00:17:31.980
Mike O'Neill - You know, we've been talking

00:17:31.980 --> 00:17:34.150
about ways to be fully present,

00:17:34.150 --> 00:17:36.540
particularly when you're at home

00:17:36.540 --> 00:17:40.140
with the move to work from home,

00:17:40.140 --> 00:17:44.250
the demarcation between any your work day

00:17:44.250 --> 00:17:48.290
and starting your time with
family has gotten really blurred

00:17:48.290 --> 00:17:52.600
and working with CEOs like you do.

00:17:52.600 --> 00:17:55.470
Some of them may in fact
be doing that very thing.

00:17:55.470 --> 00:17:58.160
When they are working from home,

00:17:58.160 --> 00:18:01.610
do they, as men, struggle with the loss

00:18:01.610 --> 00:18:04.620
of some of the power,
props, that's my word,

00:18:04.620 --> 00:18:06.933
that go with working in the office?

00:18:09.340 --> 00:18:11.210
Purdeep Sangha - So, does this revolve around

00:18:11.210 --> 00:18:13.380
maybe not being the CEO at home?

00:18:13.380 --> 00:18:16.090
Is that kind of the feeling that you--

00:18:16.090 --> 00:18:18.410
Mike O'Neill - Perhaps, perhaps, I
think what I am finding

00:18:18.410 --> 00:18:21.480
is I'm talking to key leaders,

00:18:21.480 --> 00:18:22.670
particularly key leaders

00:18:22.670 --> 00:18:25.950
who were working in a office setting,

00:18:25.950 --> 00:18:27.590
and now they're working from home

00:18:27.590 --> 00:18:29.890
and they're managing
other people from home.

00:18:29.890 --> 00:18:33.090
One of the things I keep
hearing is it's so much harder

00:18:33.950 --> 00:18:35.950
from a variety of ways.

00:18:35.950 --> 00:18:38.810
Not only am I raising the
question about transitioning

00:18:38.810 --> 00:18:40.700
when you're working from home

00:18:40.700 --> 00:18:45.210
to ending your Workday
and go be a Disney dad,

00:18:45.210 --> 00:18:47.210
or be there for your spouse,

00:18:47.210 --> 00:18:49.920
I'm also kind of speaking
to that transition

00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:51.640
that many people have gone through

00:18:51.640 --> 00:18:53.190
where if they're at the office,

00:18:53.190 --> 00:18:55.690
it's where the office is located,

00:18:55.690 --> 00:18:57.820
that the quality of the furniture,

00:18:57.820 --> 00:19:01.060
the maybe even a parking
spot and other perks,

00:19:01.060 --> 00:19:04.140
has that entered into some of the things

00:19:04.140 --> 00:19:05.190
that you are finding you're dealing with

00:19:05.190 --> 00:19:06.980
when you're dealing with executives?

00:19:06.980 --> 00:19:11.690
Purdeep Sangha - Yeah, it has not too much
huge extent, but it has.

00:19:11.690 --> 00:19:14.800
Because if you have this
big massive corner office

00:19:14.800 --> 00:19:16.750
on the 50th floor,

00:19:16.750 --> 00:19:18.800
you're gonna have a different
feeling going into that.

00:19:18.800 --> 00:19:21.910
Then you will maybe
going into your basement.

00:19:21.910 --> 00:19:23.330
And so you're absolutely right.

00:19:23.330 --> 00:19:27.180
Environment has a significant
impact on our mood,

00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:29.700
our behavior, and our emotions.

00:19:29.700 --> 00:19:33.290
And so I always encourage
people to set up their office,

00:19:33.290 --> 00:19:35.740
like they would set it up
normally in their office,

00:19:35.740 --> 00:19:38.220
a physical location's
office space somewhere

00:19:38.220 --> 00:19:40.590
because you switch into that environment,

00:19:40.590 --> 00:19:41.940
you cater to that environment.

00:19:41.940 --> 00:19:44.290
So, absolutely I think it's critical,

00:19:44.290 --> 00:19:46.020
myself we just went through renovations.

00:19:46.020 --> 00:19:47.150
My office was on the...

00:19:47.150 --> 00:19:49.220
So I have a home office as well,

00:19:49.220 --> 00:19:52.040
and I enjoy working from
home because it allows me

00:19:52.040 --> 00:19:53.750
to have the flexibility
to spend with my kids

00:19:53.750 --> 00:19:55.700
because they're younger,
they're eight, six years old,

00:19:55.700 --> 00:19:57.460
and I get to drop 'em
off and pick them up.

00:19:57.460 --> 00:20:00.660
And that's just the lifestyle
that I've chosen to have.

00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:04.900
But I had to bring my
office downstairs now.

00:20:04.900 --> 00:20:07.560
And because I just found that
the kids were just running in

00:20:07.560 --> 00:20:09.340
when they probably shouldn't
have been running in.

00:20:09.340 --> 00:20:11.460
And there was just too much of a blend

00:20:11.460 --> 00:20:12.830
for in that perspective.

00:20:12.830 --> 00:20:15.130
So, I just brought my office downstairs.

00:20:15.130 --> 00:20:19.480
So yes, having the right physical
environment is important.

00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:22.270
You will see that and
having the right colors,

00:20:22.270 --> 00:20:25.240
having the right furniture,
pictures, whatever it is,

00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:26.660
I highly encourage individuals

00:20:26.660 --> 00:20:28.470
to make it feel like their office.

00:20:28.470 --> 00:20:31.070
So they actually get the
work done, be in that mode.

00:20:32.800 --> 00:20:34.070
Mike O'Neill - Purdeep, what do you find

00:20:34.070 --> 00:20:36.420
as people are going to your website,

00:20:36.420 --> 00:20:38.880
reading your book, reading your blogs,

00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:41.817
what do you find more
often triggers them to say,

00:20:41.817 --> 00:20:46.500
"Yes, I wanna reach out to
Purdeep and his organization."

00:20:46.500 --> 00:20:48.340
Do you find there's a
pattern that puts them

00:20:48.340 --> 00:20:52.050
over such that they are willing

00:20:52.050 --> 00:20:53.783
to take that step and reach out?

00:20:54.770 --> 00:20:57.700
Purdeep Sangha - Yeah, typically what ends up happening,

00:20:57.700 --> 00:20:59.880
I would say there's two camps.

00:20:59.880 --> 00:21:03.140
One camp is I want to make more money

00:21:03.140 --> 00:21:05.930
and where I want to get
more success faster.

00:21:05.930 --> 00:21:10.100
Like that is, I just wanna
be a super high performer.

00:21:10.100 --> 00:21:12.690
I'm making X amount and
my careers at this level,

00:21:12.690 --> 00:21:14.970
and I just want to accelerate that pace.

00:21:14.970 --> 00:21:18.410
So that's one side of the camp.

00:21:18.410 --> 00:21:23.410
The other side is I've had all the success

00:21:23.470 --> 00:21:26.763
and things aren't going great in my life.

00:21:28.210 --> 00:21:30.090
My relationship isn't going that great,

00:21:30.090 --> 00:21:32.000
I've sacrificed my health.

00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:32.833
I'll give you an example.

00:21:32.833 --> 00:21:35.179
We have worked with CEOs,

00:21:35.179 --> 00:21:38.710
and this is interesting
because we'll engage them

00:21:38.710 --> 00:21:41.330
in maybe a consulting project,

00:21:41.330 --> 00:21:43.640
or we advise them from
a business perspective,

00:21:43.640 --> 00:21:45.010
strictly business, right?

00:21:45.010 --> 00:21:47.950
Maybe it's a merger or
acquisition or something

00:21:47.950 --> 00:21:49.800
that is just business-oriented.

00:21:49.800 --> 00:21:52.217
And then a year later, or six
months later, they'll say,

00:21:52.217 --> 00:21:55.653
"Purdeep, I need you to work
with me on a personal side.

00:21:56.987 --> 00:21:58.217
"I haven't expressed everything

00:21:58.217 --> 00:22:00.487
"that I want to express to you.

00:22:00.487 --> 00:22:02.350
"I was somewhat afraid to,"

00:22:02.350 --> 00:22:06.877
or they'll say, "I just
didn't want to show weakness,

00:22:06.877 --> 00:22:08.567
"but this is what I'm dealing with.

00:22:08.567 --> 00:22:13.037
"My health has completely
gone down the toilet,

00:22:13.037 --> 00:22:14.373
"I can't sleep at night.

00:22:15.397 --> 00:22:18.300
"I think my relationship
is falling apart."

00:22:18.300 --> 00:22:23.010
I need other, you can say
insight outside of business.

00:22:23.010 --> 00:22:26.883
So that happens quite often
because a lot of the men,

00:22:28.490 --> 00:22:31.100
although I would say that
the biggest entry point

00:22:31.100 --> 00:22:34.300
is men wanting more business success,

00:22:34.300 --> 00:22:37.150
but then soon opening up saying
there's other challenges.

00:22:38.440 --> 00:22:41.560
Mike O'Neill - You know, you describe
a scenario that I've seen

00:22:41.560 --> 00:22:43.247
with my own business,
and that is you go in,

00:22:43.247 --> 00:22:46.240
and you help them
achieve business success,

00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:49.200
but you build a relationship,
you build rapport,

00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:52.360
you build trust, but after that is done,

00:22:52.360 --> 00:22:54.670
then they feel they can
kind of let their guard down

00:22:54.670 --> 00:22:56.600
and share some of that.

00:22:56.600 --> 00:23:00.000
I appreciate your insights there.

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:01.830
Purdeep as you kind of think back

00:23:01.830 --> 00:23:06.380
about who you are and what
you have done for others,

00:23:06.380 --> 00:23:07.740
can you think of a situation

00:23:07.740 --> 00:23:11.927
by which either you or a client got stuck?

00:23:11.927 --> 00:23:15.583
And when that happened, what
did it take to get unstuck?

00:23:16.860 --> 00:23:18.710
Purdeep Sangha - So, Mike, I get stuck all the time.

00:23:19.770 --> 00:23:22.780
I do, and that can happen in business,

00:23:22.780 --> 00:23:25.020
or that can happen in my personal life.

00:23:25.020 --> 00:23:28.190
And the thing that I've
taught myself how to do

00:23:28.190 --> 00:23:29.740
is how to get unstuck faster

00:23:29.740 --> 00:23:31.310
from a problem solving perspective,

00:23:31.310 --> 00:23:33.663
bringing other people on board, experts,

00:23:34.610 --> 00:23:36.920
looking at things from
a different perspective.

00:23:36.920 --> 00:23:41.030
But one of the biggest
things that I was stuck with,

00:23:41.030 --> 00:23:43.573
I would say was my
relationship with my wife,

00:23:44.470 --> 00:23:48.080
because we were two completely different

00:23:48.080 --> 00:23:50.690
you can say individuals
with different upbringings.

00:23:50.690 --> 00:23:54.713
My wife was a city gal,
liked fancy things,

00:23:56.390 --> 00:23:57.660
liked expensive things.

00:23:57.660 --> 00:23:59.210
And again, there's
nothing wrong with that,

00:23:59.210 --> 00:24:01.470
she's actually opened my eyes up

00:24:01.470 --> 00:24:06.470
to live you can say, enjoy
the hard work that I put in.

00:24:06.650 --> 00:24:10.920
And I grew up on an orchard
and I was all about work ethic.

00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:14.970
I was all about living a simple life.

00:24:14.970 --> 00:24:18.310
And so we had some big, big challenges

00:24:18.310 --> 00:24:21.426
to the point where we
almost split up twice.

00:24:21.426 --> 00:24:26.426
And I did a lot of relationship work.

00:24:26.580 --> 00:24:29.480
So, I work with men on relationships,

00:24:29.480 --> 00:24:31.810
yet I was getting stuck
in my own relationship

00:24:31.810 --> 00:24:34.813
and I couldn't figure it out
in terms of what was happening,

00:24:37.460 --> 00:24:40.300
ultimately what ended up
happening was I was afraid.

00:24:40.300 --> 00:24:45.160
And I was afraid to be myself and stand up

00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:47.310
for what truly believed in,

00:24:47.310 --> 00:24:52.293
because I felt like if I
stood up that if my wife left,

00:24:53.310 --> 00:24:54.950
then I would lose not only my wife,

00:24:54.950 --> 00:24:56.200
but I would lose my kids.

00:24:57.150 --> 00:25:00.620
And therefore I catered to certain things

00:25:00.620 --> 00:25:03.540
that were not aligned with my values.

00:25:03.540 --> 00:25:06.040
I catered to certain principles

00:25:06.040 --> 00:25:10.220
that I knew would not end
up serving us as a couple,

00:25:10.220 --> 00:25:15.210
serving our kids, and so I
just kind of went with it,

00:25:15.210 --> 00:25:18.100
thinking that maybe I need
to be more understanding

00:25:18.100 --> 00:25:19.720
which I did because
there's certain aspects

00:25:19.720 --> 00:25:21.110
I did have to be more understanding

00:25:21.110 --> 00:25:23.850
about and change my behavior
and do different things.

00:25:23.850 --> 00:25:26.060
But then I soon realized, I said,

00:25:26.060 --> 00:25:29.690
if I don't live in
alignment with who I am,

00:25:29.690 --> 00:25:32.400
and continue to grow,
of course, and evolve,

00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:34.110
and better myself,

00:25:34.110 --> 00:25:36.430
but if there's something
truly inside of me

00:25:36.430 --> 00:25:38.720
that I'm not aligned with,

00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:43.720
then what's a point of not only
just being in this marriage,

00:25:43.760 --> 00:25:45.480
but what's a point of me
actually doing the work

00:25:45.480 --> 00:25:47.690
that I'm doing and working with other men?

00:25:47.690 --> 00:25:51.540
So the moments I did that things changed,

00:25:51.540 --> 00:25:53.870
because I was very clear with my values.

00:25:53.870 --> 00:25:55.790
I was very clear with my principles,

00:25:55.790 --> 00:25:57.300
and I made the decision.

00:25:57.300 --> 00:26:02.300
If my wife does not want to
align with me in our marriage

00:26:02.770 --> 00:26:05.930
with these principles,
then I'm okay with that.

00:26:05.930 --> 00:26:07.600
Even if she does take the kids,

00:26:07.600 --> 00:26:10.900
even if she does take half my
wealth or more, that's okay,

00:26:10.900 --> 00:26:14.500
because I want to be fulfilled
in the life that I live.

00:26:14.500 --> 00:26:15.720
And the moment that I did that

00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:18.140
I could see a shift in her behavior,

00:26:18.140 --> 00:26:19.990
because she knew that I meant business.

00:26:19.990 --> 00:26:23.250
She knew that I was strong enough

00:26:23.250 --> 00:26:26.550
to not only be the man
that I wanted to be,

00:26:26.550 --> 00:26:28.023
but also be there for her.

00:26:28.900 --> 00:26:32.030
So, that was a big change point for me

00:26:32.030 --> 00:26:34.280
in terms of getting unstuck.

00:26:34.280 --> 00:26:36.660
Because I think in today's society,

00:26:36.660 --> 00:26:41.510
we try to cater so much
to so many different ways

00:26:41.510 --> 00:26:42.773
and we lose ourselves.

00:26:43.820 --> 00:26:47.160
And I think a lot of men
are in this position today

00:26:47.160 --> 00:26:49.820
because there's a lot of confusion

00:26:49.820 --> 00:26:51.853
of what it means to be a man today.

00:26:52.750 --> 00:26:54.270
What is a man supposed to do?

00:26:54.270 --> 00:26:56.020
You know, what's a leadership role?

00:26:56.870 --> 00:26:58.730
You know, am I being too strong?

00:26:58.730 --> 00:27:00.280
Am I not being strong enough?

00:27:00.280 --> 00:27:01.470
So there's a lot of,

00:27:01.470 --> 00:27:05.640
you can say, there's a lack of mentorship

00:27:05.640 --> 00:27:06.960
and there's a lack of knowledge

00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:09.270
and I would say wisdom out there

00:27:09.270 --> 00:27:13.280
for when it comes to the men in all ages.

00:27:13.280 --> 00:27:15.810
I have seen this in 20-year olds,

00:27:15.810 --> 00:27:18.380
I've seen this in 60 year olds,

00:27:18.380 --> 00:27:21.293
and this is something that we
do need to address for sure.

00:27:22.729 --> 00:27:25.000
Mike O'Neill - Purdeep I have asked that very question

00:27:25.890 --> 00:27:29.913
to 72 prior podcast guests,

00:27:30.900 --> 00:27:33.240
your response was so open,

00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:35.860
so candid, and you showed
such vulnerability,

00:27:35.860 --> 00:27:38.190
thank you for your willingness to share

00:27:38.190 --> 00:27:41.490
that gives us the
listeners and the viewers

00:27:41.490 --> 00:27:43.160
insight to who you are.

00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:46.380
And it's really neat to
hear how by doing that,

00:27:46.380 --> 00:27:50.523
it did change the relationship
in a positive way.

00:27:51.400 --> 00:27:53.350
We've covered a number of things

00:27:53.350 --> 00:27:55.560
and it's very clear we
could cover much more,

00:27:55.560 --> 00:27:57.490
but as you kind of reflect back

00:27:57.490 --> 00:27:59.620
on the things that we have discussed,

00:27:59.620 --> 00:28:03.200
what do you want our listeners
to have as takeaways?

00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:05.423
And what closing thoughts might you offer?

00:28:06.620 --> 00:28:08.960
Purdeep Sangha - Well, I think this is the biggest thing.

00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:11.420
If people want to improve their lives,

00:28:11.420 --> 00:28:14.660
and if they want to perform better,

00:28:14.660 --> 00:28:18.920
the one thing to focus on is emotions.

00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:23.230
Because if you can learn to
be a master of your emotions,

00:28:23.230 --> 00:28:25.450
you will be able to
master anything in life.

00:28:25.450 --> 00:28:28.320
And that is a ultimately the path

00:28:28.320 --> 00:28:32.880
to having a better marriage,
be a better parent,

00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:34.740
to have more success in business,

00:28:34.740 --> 00:28:39.190
to have better, you can
say a faster career growth.

00:28:39.190 --> 00:28:40.510
It's all about emotions.

00:28:40.510 --> 00:28:42.570
If you learn how to
master your own emotions,

00:28:42.570 --> 00:28:46.540
and how to, I'm gonna say this in a way

00:28:46.540 --> 00:28:48.230
that it doesn't sound manipulative,

00:28:48.230 --> 00:28:50.390
but influence other people's emotions,

00:28:50.390 --> 00:28:53.953
where they feel better about
the life that they live.

00:28:55.530 --> 00:28:57.670
You're not only gonna be
more fulfilled in life,

00:28:57.670 --> 00:28:59.700
you're gonna be able to
accelerate your progress

00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:00.900
and success overall,

00:29:00.900 --> 00:29:05.180
because everything that we
do is all about emotions.

00:29:05.180 --> 00:29:08.600
At the end of the day, we all
want to feel a certain way,

00:29:08.600 --> 00:29:10.120
and we all want to feel good.

00:29:10.120 --> 00:29:11.960
Even when we're feeling bad,

00:29:11.960 --> 00:29:14.700
there's an underlying reason for that.

00:29:14.700 --> 00:29:17.350
We just need to get to it
and learn how to master it.

00:29:19.220 --> 00:29:21.060
Mike O'Neill - Very, very helpful.

00:29:21.060 --> 00:29:25.690
Purdeep, if listeners wanna
reach out to you and connect,

00:29:25.690 --> 00:29:27.590
what's the best way for them to do so?

00:29:29.210 --> 00:29:30.250
Purdeep Sangha - Feel free to reach out to me

00:29:30.250 --> 00:29:32.320
via most social media channels.

00:29:32.320 --> 00:29:34.430
My handle is typically @PurdeepSangha.

00:29:34.430 --> 00:29:36.050
So I'm more than happy to connect.

00:29:36.050 --> 00:29:38.280
You can reach out to me via email,

00:29:38.280 --> 00:29:41.710
and the email is team@purdeepsangha.com,

00:29:41.710 --> 00:29:45.420
and you can also get a
discounted copy of my book.

00:29:45.420 --> 00:29:47.810
It's the digital combo, so
you'll get the audiobook

00:29:47.810 --> 00:29:51.470
and you'll get the eBook at 75% off.

00:29:51.470 --> 00:29:55.540
And you can do that by going
to completemanaudio.com

00:29:55.540 --> 00:29:58.227
and use the promo code VICTORY75.

00:29:59.104 --> 00:30:02.130
So VICTORY and then the number seven,

00:30:02.130 --> 00:30:04.750
and then the number five, all one word.

00:30:04.750 --> 00:30:06.430
Mike O'Neill - That's very generous for you to offer.

00:30:06.430 --> 00:30:09.660
We will include contact information

00:30:09.660 --> 00:30:14.140
and what you just shared
in the show notes.

00:30:14.140 --> 00:30:17.900
As I'm looking back at
what we have discussed,

00:30:17.900 --> 00:30:19.730
I can't tell you how much I appreciate

00:30:19.730 --> 00:30:23.600
you wanting to spend some time
with me, I've learned a lot,

00:30:23.600 --> 00:30:26.560
I've enjoyed our time, thank you.

00:30:26.560 --> 00:30:29.200
Purdeep Sangha - Oh, thank you Mike for having me.

00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:32.470
Mike O'Neill - I also wanna thank our
listeners for joining us today.

00:30:32.470 --> 00:30:35.110
Every Thursday we upload
the latest episode

00:30:35.110 --> 00:30:37.080
to all the major platforms.

00:30:37.080 --> 00:30:40.440
So, if you haven't
already, please subscribe.

00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:42.610
So I've got a question
for you the listener.

00:30:42.610 --> 00:30:45.510
Are people problems
keeping you up at night?

00:30:45.510 --> 00:30:47.570
If yes, let's talk,

00:30:47.570 --> 00:30:52.570
head to head to bench-builders.com
to schedule a quick call.

00:30:53.110 --> 00:30:54.930
We'll explore ways to help you

00:30:54.930 --> 00:30:57.100
solve your nagging people problems,

00:30:57.100 --> 00:31:00.830
so you can again, focus
on growing your business.

00:31:00.830 --> 00:31:02.690
So I wanna thank you for joining us,

00:31:02.690 --> 00:31:05.573
and I hope you have picked
up on some tips from Purdeep,

00:31:05.573 --> 00:31:10.290
that will help you Get
Unstuck and On Target,

00:31:10.290 --> 00:31:11.412
until next time.

00:31:11.412 --> 00:31:14.579
(bright upbeat music)

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